Transition Diary

Okily doke so Working IT Out got back to me.

And they do have a trans support group.
Meets every first monday of the month.
Which is this coming monday! Whoo hoo!

Sounds like a bit of a small gorup 2 to 8 people on average, But it’ll be good if i can meet a few more people.
If you didnt guess from my crazy rantings in my previous post i’m going a little stir crazy.

I’m really surprised how much i rely on social interaction, I have no idea how i survived in sydney for two years pretty much alone.

ok, I’m 4 years behind.
But, WTF.
Who even considers this a good idea?
And why the fuck did Japan even have a Genre for rape games.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RapeLay

RapeLay is played from the perspective of a chikan named Kimura Masaya, who stalks and subsequently rapes the Kiryuu family (a mother and her two young daughters).

And What the fuck is with the comments on some of these pages.
Yes blah blah blah hypocrit shooting games don’t make people kill people.
But I’m yet to play a game that involves me going to work in an office, Getting fired and shooting up the place later that afternoon.

This game however involves you fondling a girl on the train, Getting arrested and deciding to take revenge by raping and enslaving her family.
If i see a game that involves me getting fired and proceeding to shoot up the office i’m gunna be just as pissed.
So Fuck you dipshit.
And yeah, Postal Sucks Dick. There was no story line, Just the assumption that u got kicked out of home and went “Postal”.
Postal2 Just as shit.
Grand theft auto, Just as crap. Dealing drugs, Crime-life. Low-life criminal working his way up, All that happy crappy.

Copping a feel on the busy subway, Happens a little more regularly.
Speaks a little more to some of the more desperate, lonely and degenerate out there.

Anyway, Even though i’m a few years behind. I just had to say What The Fuck. Who even goes hey! Game about rape! Quick get the team on that!

This always gets me down.

Facial surgery, SRS.

I look and search and read. And it sucks. For every good review i find i find a bad one.
I’m currently looking into facial stuff.

I’m sick to death of people switching between male and female pronouns on me.
I’m tired of people switching between rachel and my male name.
I’m sick of not blending in.

But its scary, It’s alot of money, and if the surgeon fucks up i could be left looking horrible, Feeling horrible, physically and emotionally.
I can’t find any surgeons in Aus that specifically down FFS.
Everyone that writes about it points to thailand or america.

But what am i supposed to do?
Continue on like i am?
FEeling worse as time goes on?

Wait until i get to the point where somedays i really can’t leave the house and just not leave my bed?
I already feel like fucking crap somedays and don’t want to leave. That points not far off.
I’m sick to death of being stuck half way, I’m sick of feeling this way. I’m really really tired of it.
Days like this it feels no better or worse then before i started transition.

Some days i feel good, and then some asshole, fucks it all up for me.
Some stupid shit from the phone company spelling my name wrong after repeating it three times, Requiring a full explanation that im transexual and transition before the stupid redneck accepts that my name is rachel and im not putting my partner on my account.
Or someone at work switching back and fourth between fucking pronouns. Yes i get what your doing, Thanks, You make me feel fucking awesome.

Not feeling like i can drop by for coffee or chat with anyone without making a fucking plan anymore.
I feel like noones going to start treating me like Rachel as long as i still look like who i was, it fucking sucks.

And why the fuck is it ok to remind me of shit from my past that i find fucking horrendous? but i raise something for someone else and its a fucking nono.
Yes, Surprise sur fucking prise. Playing rugby wasn’t a fucking highlight of my life. IT was horribly fucking violent. And no you idiot, Not because its a “sport” and im a nancy dick now. ITs because we played one game, and got banned for the rest of the year. You have no idea how bad that one game was. a fight didn’t just break it was a fucking brawl and it was horrible.
There’s a whole bunch of shit i’m not fucking proud of, Why the fuck remind me about it.

All this shit makes me wanna go away again, Get away from things.
But thats fucking pointless because where i’m at now in this halfway between either, “the tranny” i’m gunna be in the same stupid position anywhere.

Sometimes i just really really need someone to talk to and cry on.
Fucking Sucks.

Why’s it have to be this whole damn thing?
Why didn’t i get the choice when i was little?
Why does it have to be this whole damn social abnormality that doesn’t fit in?
Why am i the one going against the grain?
What’s so damn wrong with me?

Tolerance, Acceptance and Understanding are all completely separate things people.
One does not equal the other. You can do all three, But just because you’ve got one or force yourself to have one doesn’t mean the others come automatically.
You just make me feel like shit with your “Freudian slips” or whatever you want to pass it off as.
I’ll laugh and giggle with you, But you still make me feel like shit inside.

ARE BAD!!

Strapping tape is actually really good. Rushing the tuck however is not.

Fresh air at break is good.
Forgetting jacket and freezing in the wind is not.